gutroch

Mockery for multitaskers

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:17:36 GMT

   Here's a game for your next house party: go to http://babelfish.yahoo.com/, open a new tab and find Sarah Palin's resignation speech (linked in my last entry), and copy and paste it into the first box. Pick a language and go - I suggest Russian, so she'll be able to see the translation from her front porch.
   Then the really fun part: highlight and copy whatever comes out as the translation. Then clear the "translate again" box and paste in Palin's new speech. Set the website to translate it back into whatever language you started with and press go.
   After you can breathe again, try it with some of her other speeches and interviews, Bush press conferences, anything Dan Quayle said, etc. It's almost better when you start with something coherent so you can tell the difference when you've finished - centuries-old Shakespearean jokes and innuendo become amazing. Enjoy.

They knowed bestest for us

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 02:18:14 GMT

   So if Bush were the education president, is Palin (briefly) the Editing 101 governor-as-specimen-for-examination?
   Maybe one of the personal luxuries she got rid of was a professional team of copy editors. Well, here is words she said about resigning: http://www.gov.state.ak.us/exec-column.php.
   But that's not fair. She took the Republican presidential campaign out of John McCain's control and put it back into the hands of Saturday Night Live, where it's much more entertaining. That said, I hope this is more political scandal, not a family crisis. The former's usually uncovered after the body count's already over.

Ouch. (California again.)

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:09:47 GMT

So it's been a while since I've posted, given that my second-to-last entry is praising California for its common sense and belated decency in recognizing same-sex marriages. Taken back.
    On the other hand, I'm also embarrassingly late in congratulating Iowa.
    And also running late: happy mosquito/sunburn/heatstroke/dehydration/red tide/no edible asparagus solstice! (Meaning this blog might only be a few weeks behind the next major political news, instead of a few months.)
   That said, good luck with protesting in Iran. Hmmm...can we ship Buddy Johnson over there? Maybe he could take Ahmadinejad's side and all of the disputed votes would appear in an explosion of incompetence in his former Florida office. Condolences to Phyllis Busansky's family and friends, and WE NEEDED HER!
Has anyone noticed that the word "blog" shows up as a mistake on this spellcheck?

I have seized control of a functional computer

Wed, 13 May 2009 20:32:35 GMT

I finally have the free time to write this, but I think I stole it from someone.

California finally gets it

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 03:19:17 GMT

It's a bit late.
But, GO CALIFORNIA! It's about time.
Now, how about some federal anti-workplace-discrimination-based-on-sexual-orientation laws? Or an end to all of the stupid amendments banning same-sex marriages that states keep trying to slip into their charters or constitutions (if you haven't made it legal yet, what makes you think you need to make it illegal twice? Never mind, logic doesn't have much to do with this.)
Ailurophobes haven't made cats illegal. Claustrophobes haven't lobbied against elevators.
You can probably see where I'm going with this, unless you're one of the great thinkers who believes that the feds' involvement in personal relationships is a good thing.

Way-too-expletive-late-in-the-post-meridian musings (or, Nonsense)

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 04:44:23 GMT

Given that it's considered impolite to use one' business title in a social context, if someone signs their name on, say, a reply to an invitation or a cast or something as Random Name, Esq., is that a threat or a business proposition? And which is worse? (Especially if it's a cast.)
Go Thanksgiving! Even if it's contrived, even if it's just another excuse for misrepresentation of contact between groups like the Wampanoags and Pilgrims in our school systems, even if domestic turkeys have been bred so much for human consumption above health that they're stupid enough to drown in the rain, even if an actual harvest festival would probably be earlier in the year in most temperate North American climates, go Thanksgiving as an excuse for a day off! That's so pathetic, but I need the break.

Ouch. Tribute.

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 02:30:55 GMT

An Acceptable Time was, and still is, my favorite Madeleine L'engle book. The plot is so neat, the time-travel scenes very well done, and the writing style is beautiful.
I guess if someone's work is loved by so many people, that person's death will affect as many people. I'm still glad I read her books.

Antiques

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 20:55:46 GMT

Telephone rings that actually make ringing noises are unusual ancient artifacts, like pay phones and Stonehenge. I heard one today and couldn't figure out what it was for a moment, which is a bit disconcerting when bursts of random music can be easily recognized as cell phone rings (as opposed to, "Who turned the radio on?".
What I want to know is, how many cell phones' default ring tones don't include the traditional one?

Victory!

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 02:11:08 GMT

    Finally have new headphones! These are the giant kind that shut out most of the background noise (for instance, people yelling at me about singing along to the music). Also, after a trip to Borders, have a new Diana Wynne Jones book.  Life is nice (minus chicken soup and rice, another reason why I'm happy. All sorts of sugar-coated chocolate cereals instead. Do they count as cereal grain?)
    Speaking of books, I have, for some reason, completed the ordeal of reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and can safely say that really it is pure science fiction: it has absolutely no basis in reality.  (Giant saltwater salamanders?) On the whole, though, I think the genre's improved since then (OCTAVIA BUTLER!).  At least most of it's shorter.
    And what was with the deus ex machina (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT/ AMATEUR BOOK REVIEW) at the end, with the mysterious whirlpool escape?  No hints dropped about ways to escape at different tides? No benevolent sea monsters (in which case, let's call them leviathans)? Even the Odyssey provided some explanation for how anyone could survive.  The reasoning doesn't have to conform to any physical laws of this universe; it just has to fit logically in the plot, and sound good enough that no one cares if the three were saved by a horde of intergalactic tourists as part of the light-day's program.
    Oh well. Now that that's out of the way, I can continue on to the more serious business of rereading treasuries of comic strips.

By the sister of the high king (plus rest of suit) of pinochle

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 01:51:11 GMT

    I was dealt a double pinochle in the first hand, I was dealt another in the third hand, I lost to my brother who had a double pinochle and a run in the same hand and aces in another.
    We had changed the rules, for some unknown reason, so that there was no bidding, everyone saw the kitty and whoever could make the most meld from their hand and the kitty, got it. (Not especially fair, but at least it is now established that I didn't fall through my normal trick of overbidding.) I made a few choices for trump suit that weren't ideal, but nothing REALLY stupid. I lost by over two hundred points.
    If he wasn't an atheist (and if I wasn't), I'd think he had some kind of deal with the deities of pincohle. Or that he was one. As it is, I'm just going, "AAAAAAH!" and hoping to best him at Kings in the Corner - or solitaire.
    For the record, this is not a blog sponsored as an advertisement by a pinochle-deck-producing corporation. I'm not recommending it for relaxation, recreation, reanimation, or plus-a-free-combo-alarm-clock/smoke-alarm-if-you-order-now. But it is fun.

Cards and destruction

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 17:33:21 GMT

My brother was dealt two runs in a row in the last game of pinochle, made an improbable comeback from negative-three-hundred-something points the game before, and has only lost (to my knowledge) three games out of fifty. He's the one who turns up every few hours, chirping, "Does anyone want to play pinochle?" I'm the bright one who keeps saying, "Okay," bidding high (350! With only a run for meld!), and getting killed.  We're a species that's supposed to learn from experience or something?
    But I am learning. Next time, I'm playing Kings in the Corner.

    On an entirely different note, unpleasant things to hear when returning from vacation and meeting a neighbor:
    "I hope you were thinking of rebuilding anyway."
    "Please reclaim your refrigerator; it's halfway through my roof."
    "Did you smell anything unusual in your kitchen before you left?"
    "I found your safe. Are your insurance papers in there?"
    "Did you see it on the news? They'll be replaying the video for weeks. By the way, the police came to see you."
    "I saw it firsthand! I've got pictures!"
    "Relaxing vacation? Good.  Go take another until they're done reconstructing the roof."
    "Remember what I was saying about getting the gas main replaced?"

    This was prompted by reading the warning label on a box of linseed oil too closely.

The search for evil mind-control headphones (no, wait, the other kind)

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 03:27:42 GMT

    I am searching the world (of local strip malls) for giant headphones.  These would be the ones that look like electronic earmuffs, or ear-engulfing aliens when they're seizing someone's head. They're about five times the size of my mp3, which is currently equipped with the kind of ear buds that either jam in my ears, causing mild agony, or fall out when I move my head too fast.
    These are preferrable, in my view, to the foamy headphones that clip over the top of someone's ear and remind me of the Cybermen's controlling devices from Doctor Who. (From the alternate universe and the second season finale.) I'm not sure why, those didn't have wires...really more like a Bluetooth.
    Speaking of Doctor Who, Daleks instantly improve almost any episode they're in. They've been getting better dialogue, too.

Remedial Lunch

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 01:39:46 GMT

    (It said "subject"...)
    Writer's block is more of a wall. It might be infinite, or only a foot higher than you mind can reach from the top of a pile of dead ideas.  Constructed of a material physically nonexistent on Earth (luckily), it's actually a bit like riptide: it disappears if you go sideways enough.
    There.  I think it's gone (knock on wood). More later.